Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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