Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
