this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize