last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
