Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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