Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
