The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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