Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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