This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
