I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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