Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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