I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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