I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
