there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
