I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
