I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
