Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
