I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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