It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
