I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
