I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
