if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so let's talk penis.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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