It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize