i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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