Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
