Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
