I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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