the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
