Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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