sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
