and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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