dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
