Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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