i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I cut my penus on the lid.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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