P.S. I can't hear my feet
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
