I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
