I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
