we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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