Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
