So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
