P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
