My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
