and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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