bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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