kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize