my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
