he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
