I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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