I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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