Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
