with your own penis?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
