I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize