they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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