Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
