The police scanner is talking about you again....
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
