Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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