also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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