This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize