Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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