I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
