That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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