I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a search helicopter?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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