Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
