so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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