Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hippo gnu deer
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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