We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
