Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize