You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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