I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
