uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
