We're like a lot better than the average bears
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
