I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
