once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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