I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
