Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
