Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
