so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Alive.
So much puke
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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