Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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